Not Even A Flag

I need an American flag for the background to a video our rap band is making. Rather than order online, I really want to just jump in my car and drive to a store and buy a flag. For example, I can drive to the Flags of All Nations store and spend $32 for a silk screened Stars and Stripes, but the stars won’t even be embroidered. So I check online and find that the Big Box Store wants $30 for an embroidered flag. The Gardening Appliance store wants $20. Target has a 3′ X 5′ American flag, embroidered, for $10. It’s exactly what I’m looking for at a price even I can afford. According to their website, my local Target store has one in stock in section D1.

It’s December 31st, the New Year, not the Fourth of July. Flags aren’t exactly in season. I drive over there and ask the salespeople where I can find section D1.

“D1?” they reply, aghast. “Over there in the back of the store.”

D1 is in the far right back corner of the store. All that lines the three shelves in D1 is disinfectant. No flags.

Returning to the middle of the store, I flag down a salesperson and ask where, perchance, he might have American flags. “Let me check inventory,” he suggests kindly and pulls out his Target tablet. Scrolling, he explains that there aren’t any in that store, but if I go to Store B, another four miles away, they should have some in stock. “Write down the UPC number and telephone them and they can check their inventory,” he adds helpfully. Gangbusters! I thank the man.

Now it’s true that my local Target never has what I am looking for. I always have to traipse to Store B, so this is neither a hindrance nor a hardship. I don’t have time to zip over there before New Year’s Eve, but I figure one day won’t matter.

Before I go there today, January 1, I go to the Target website and specify Store B as my desired location. Behold! When I click on the 3′ X 5′ embroidered American flag, the site indicates “In stock.” Cool! In order to make my purchase, I need to open a Target account. Yada, yada, yada. I open an account. Then I purchase the 3′ X 5′ American flag for $10 plus tax, using my credit card. I specify Two Hour Store Pickup. I even sign up for a text message on my cellphone indicating when the item is ready for me to come get it.

As I am making the purchase, I receive the notification “Only one left in stock. Order now.” Cripes! Every time I go to make a purchase online, it’s Super Mario Panic Button Time again. Last one in stock, BUY NOW! Alternatively, why can’t Target keep up its inventory? AN AMERICAN FLAG costing $10 should not be such an exotic item that Target only stocks them individually. Nu?

You know where I am going with this.

I wait. I wait to get a text message. Hearing naught, I check my emails. “An item is no longer available for pickup” says the subject line.

“We went to grab the item listed below, but it looks like someone snagged the last one,” claims the text.

Which is pure unadulterated poppycock. Booooo! Get real! You never had it to begin with. Maybe flags go rushing off the shelves on the Fourth of July. On January 1, 2020 in the middle of the afternoon, not a chance. There wasn’t any 3′ X 5′ embroidered American flag at that store location. Nope. Never happen. Target is blowing smoke rings.

I am then given the opportunity to let my purchase lapse, choose a different store or accept having the flag shipped free of charge through the mail. Target lists half a dozen stores in the vicinity, one after another. Forget about having to drive ten miles to pick up the flag, do they really think I’m gonna spend two hours online at each location I choose only to hear, “We went to grab the item listed below, but it looks like someone snagged the last one”?

I choose free shipping. The item will be delivered to my door by Saturday, January 4. Then I get a big white tab: They want my shipping address.

Once I give them my shipping address, nothing happens. Nothing. So I click on the red “ship to me” button again. You’ll notice I still haven’t gotten a receipt for my purchase. Now I can’t even get a confirmation that the flag will be sent through the mail.

Using the “Contact us” function, I get a Customer Service number. Sitting at my laptop, I call that number and speak with a young man in Mumbai. Since I know his accent will defeat me, I do most of the talking. I give him my order number. I explain that there aren’t any flags in the stores. I am choosing the free shipping option. I confirm my delivery address. Since the order had not been changed to home delivery… What?! Shit!… he makes that change. He again confirms my delivery name and address. He also keeps insisting that the flag will arrive by Saturday, January 4th.

Ya think?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 

My younger brother Tim has explained that online mail order is killing the bricks and mortar retail trade. “The same thing happened with video stores when Netflix came along,” he points out. “Each store had thousands of dollars tied up in inventory. Netflix had all their DVD’s in one big warehouse. Economy of scale.”

Apparently Target is so dirt poor at this point, they can’t even afford to stock a decent number of American flags in each location.

This is a very sad commentary on the state of America.