With pride and excitement, the Swedish rap duo realPfft presents “Fettuccine Western,” their take on Sergio Leone’s glorious spaghetti westerns. Although it may sound like they recorded the vocal off a dvd, that’s actually Clive Flatenbad channeling Clint Eastwood. “Hang him by his bootstraps! Lazy varmint!” When it comes to theatrics, there’s no shutting up Clive.
Enjoy!
吉祥如意
Mutte Fjutt and Clive Flatenbad of the Swedish rap duo realPfft present Chinese-flavored banjo music.
Enjoy!
Once again the latest Bond movie is coming out with Daniel Craig portraying James Bond as a man immersed in all the pain and suffering that goes with being a secret agent. We don’t traditionally go to the movies to experience pain and suffering. It doesn’t take James Bond to know that life is painful.
This officially being Craig’s last outing as Bond, the critics are speculating over what direction the producers are going to take in future incarnations of James Bond. To alleviate worry and facilitate the process, I hereby pitch a scenario for the new, improved post-Craig character of James Bond. Keep in mind that the Taken movies and the Equalizer movies have already exhausted the juxtaposition of the human soul with the automated killing machine.
So, as the scene opens, we find Ernst Stavro Ahmed, a criminal mastermind, holed up in a cave in some Third World mountain redoubt. Together with his stalwart minions, he devises a plan for world domination, pitting East against West in a global religious conflagration.
His weapon of choice— get ready for it— is commercial aviation, hijacking aircraft like Black September did in 1970, but this time purposely flying them into major edifices of western capitalism. Buildings like the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, those kind of places. This will cause the Americans to have a knee-jerk reaction of going to war. In the mounting turmoil, arch villain Ahmed will create a modern, brutal caliphate and spread its dominion over several Middle Eastern nations and finally the whole world. Your typical Bond villain, he’s out for world domination. Otherwise, he might as well be playing pinochle.
Meanwhile, we discover that Bond has been in rehab for chronic alcoholism. Cured, he stumbles onto the pavement, confronting a bright, sunny day and a Britain suffering under the duress of Brexit: There are fuel shortages at the petrol pump for Bond’s Aston Martin. Import restrictions are driving up the cost of his tuxedos. Food prices are rising. Supply chain interruptions are affecting the availability of high end brands of foreign vodka. Britain is having those kind of headaches. A womanizer, Bond ignores all of that by immersing himself in torrid love affairs on a serial basis.
Moviemaking made easy: In the cutting room, this simply entails editing three or four romantic interludes and lining them up on a shelf. Whenever the film editor, director and producer find themselves at a dead end in resolving something improbable in the script, they simply pull one of these steamy interludes down off the shelf and stick it in there. Problem solved! I mean, we’re talkin’ James Bond here, right, guv’nor?
Ta ta! Escapism. At the movies!
Pretty cool, huh? Expect the unexpected and all that. I could go into a lot more detail, but this is just the elevator pitch, 100 words or less.
I expect that the producers will pick up on this nifty idea and run with it. I am available as screenwriter, of course.
Kevin Feingold, Esquire
Maryland, U S A
yustyoking 
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