I just want to say “hi” and assure you that the flight to Florida on Whippoorwill Airline went fine. Since they don’t serve peanuts, we passengers stuffed ourselves on cashews until we felt ready to hurl. The movie, however, distracted us from all that. Great film! An Indonesian / German co-production, basically it was a Sound of Music remake with Predator as von Trapp and the cutest, palest little face-sucking Aliens as the singing von Trapp children. Surprisingly, they can carry a tune! Who knew?
“This film,” the title card on the overhead monitor informed us, “has been modified from its original format to fit this screen. It has been edited for content and language. It has been modified to fit into this platform’s viewing window. Additionally, it will be shown at high speed (+50% normal) to give you the viewing experience without taking up an inordinate amount of your time. — CinéFux 5 Productions”
After that, it was kick back and watch the splatter. “The world is alive… Ka-chunk! ” I’ll say it is. Truly a movie for our time!
Florida was great. Very sunny weather, amazingly mammoth crowds, try finding a parking space between Miami Beach and Cape Canaveral. Really, I swam in the ocean until I was ready to drop. The beauty of Hollywood, Florida is all those miles of sand and not a single lifeguard! Nobody telling me my swimsuit’s too baggy or admonishing me to apply more zinc paste to my nose. And no sharks! Although I rarely get to swim without a crab pinching a big toe on my right or left foot. Small price to pay for all that freedom!
The porpoise of the trip was to spend some quality time with my younger bro’ Timothy, his wife Jenny and their children. We’re great buds, but I never seem to get out to Provo, Utah. A green-eyed redhead, Jenny plays down her innate good looks, but come on! Everywhere Tim and I take her, we can see the men— and some women— scoping her out. Her kids call her “Carrot Top.” Like me, Jenny converses with animals. She complains bitterly about their earthy language, but what does she expect? They’re animals! We adopt these enigmas as children. Then, as adults, they become part of our canon. We never analyze them to see if they have any logical reason to exist. Her latest tale of woe regards a coyote.
Jenny works in the subscription department of the Daily Herald. “I was getting complaints from the Rock Canyon neighborhood in Provo. Every morning, someone on the same block was missing the paper. I finally received a phone call telling me the neighbors had conversed and someone had seen a coyote carrying a copy of the newspaper back to his lair. You know how coyotes love to skulk! So I drove out there, asked around, and was directed to the Gunnerson place. Old Man Gunnerson took me to the edge of this amazing property, a real sagebrush ecosystem, where the coyotes have their lair. Cornering the alpha male, I made my point. ‘Listen, Wiley,’ I told him, ‘if you intend to read the Herald, you gotta pay for it! ”
By now, Jenny’s kids were guffawing and rolling their eyes. “Ignore her, Uncle Kev’, she’s crazy!” they implored me. Jenny was blushing, but I understood where she was coming from.
Cruising solo in downtown Miami, I saw it was business as usual: Corner entrepreneurs offered stolen tickets to the jai alai matches. Very small but exquisitely pretty Latinas gave me “come hither” glances over their shoulders and trailed their legs provocatively. Not wanting a hassle from their pimps, I invited the entire crew— girls, pimps, hangers-on— to an impromptu feast at a taquería food truck.
“What y’all call prosties, we call ho’s,” a black pimp in high-end sweats informs me helpfully, the butt of a pistol protruding from the waistband of his pants.
“Nice outfit,” I said, admiring the bulges.
“Clothes make the man.”
Leave ‘em laughing, brother.
Our three day, two night package included, of course, Dizzy World. I’m probably too old to appreciate the sheer razzamatazz fun of it, but here are notes from my $30, 7-inch Emerson chrome tablet:
- Futureland – Why the holographic, ten-story high mounds of urban trash?
- Colorful street signs but unfortunately only in Arabic. 😦
- Bavarian biergarten cute. Beer terrible. Fraulein promised to bring me an Icelandic Egils, but came back with Coors Light. 😦
- We adults shaded my nieces’ and nephews’ eyes when biplane flew overhead towing aerial advert for Dixie’s Late-Nite Topless Lapdance.
- Car got towed.
Hope U had a fab Thanksgiving!
– Kevin
yustyoking 
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